A victim of my own doing and how to be a dumbass in Facebook
I screwed up, in fact this is a very embarrassing, but there’s a lesson to be learned and the majority of you all will benefit, if not be entertained.
As you know, if you add me on Facebook, I’ll add you back.
To me, Facebook is a business and personal networking tool unlike any other I’ve ever used. I’m pretty cavalier and liberal on what I let people send to me, such as dedicating songs. In the past, my wife has dedicated some songs to me, some of them are personal, and some trigger some inside jokes between us.
Recently, someone I don’t personally know dedicated a song to her entire network of friends, which included me. It was called “Girlfriend” and I accepted the dedication, it was then put on my profile page. I’m sure she had no idea of the implications it would soon cause for me.
For a bit of context, her profile picture, which at my age in the 30s is a bit racy, (but for her generation is likely common) bared a bit of shoulder.
She was also from an Asian country, where I was headed just last week…you see where this is going…imaginations can run wild.
My wife saw this while I was in Hong Kong last week, and when you add up all those instances, it paints a somewhat dark picture. My wife wasn’t connect to this girl, and couldn’t see she dedicated to all her friends.
I was slightly amused (but mostly scared) as I received an email from her one night in all caps, ending with the phrase “YOU BETTER GET THAT STRAIGHTEN OUT NOW!” (I’m not allowed to publish the full email, which I think is very, um, colorful)
Within minutes, I apologized, explained my innocence/ignorance/dumbassary, and removed the dedication, I explained I accepted all virtual gifts and dedications without giving it a second thought. She said she would then dedicate a song to me called “I’m a Dumbass” to prove her point. (dunno if such a song exists, but it might as well for me)
Just goes to show the dangers of Social Networks, sorry honey, wasn’t intentional, one should be more careful on how they use social networks for personal, business, family and friends, the context may not fully be apparent to others.
Think that’s bad? I’ve blogged about other embarrassing things I’ve done, such as screwing up Robert Scoble’s keynote in front of hundreds of PR professionals, a little humility goes a long way.
Even a web strategist can screw up too.
Update: Waili sent me this song called Dumbass by Tom Petty, nice.
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It is the lessons learned that is important. . . If you don’t screw up occassionally you probably aren’t trying hard enough
note to self: set up a different profile that my girlfriend DOES NOT know about!
hahaha, im just kidding.
well jeremiah, i will learn from your mistakes! thanks!
-chris
Tom, well I guess I’m trying then.
Chris, so devious, glad that you will learn from my pains!
haha, Jeremiah, i think the way you’ve handled this predicament puts many PR professionals to shame. -)
I agree with brian, but having an understanding wife helps too i bet!
The header really got me reading. I guess people like to know why/how other people screwd up.
Oh boy, tongues sure can wag…
What’s ironic (?) about this is that if you really had been cheating, you probably would have been a lot more careful about accepting a song dedication. Those of us who have nothing to hide can live in transparent houses with nothing to fear.
Except for really pissing off our spouses
I think it’s okay to be a dumbass once in awhile. Life is all about learning from your own mistakes and that’s what give you wisdom which you don’t learn from school but through experiences.
Well, now that your wife took it very seriously. I think taking her out to dinner (> $100) with alot of roses at an elegant restaurant. Then at the end of the dinner, you should sing the “I’m a dumbass” song (that you will write before this dinner
to your wife in front of everyone :). Hopefully, it’ll not be some kind of William Hung rendition.
Jeremiah, I hate to sound so “un-empathetic” but this is a such a hilarious account
But yes… very good lesson… it couldn’t have been delivered better… thank you!
And perhaps this was allowed to happen for the greater good of the FB humanity… - tell Shirley that!
we’re going to screw up once or twice even more in our lifetimes.
i found your entry really hilarious. even professionals and experts do get trapped sometimes.
and admitting being a dumbass takes a lot of balls too
cheers!
That’s hilarious Jeremiah. My wife wouldn’t have been very happy either. I’ll keep that in mind as I’m pretty easy going like that as well.
I always say its how people cope in a crises rather than in success that defines who and what they are. How the cope and prioritise with the negative says more about them then any amount of praise and accomplishment.
Good job for posting a few honest accounts of the experiences and lessons you have learnt. There is nothing more grounding than discovering that a person can make mistakes and still maintain respect for their position, thankyou.
And all the best for the coming weeks in your new job.
Tidbit of the day - I feel you! Really!
I have been wondering when will something like this happen to you, given the many friends you add on a daily basis.
No harm no foul … my entertainment for the day.
Hey one thing is for sure, no matter what the world does and how it progresses women will never change!
I always tell my friends that comedies such as “Everybody Loves Raymond” become reality TV once you get married….
LOL…I had a similar thing a while back…and it took me two weeks to figure out what had happened.
I use Meebo for my IM client, and they added “Rooms” a while back, a feature I’ve never used. Shortly thereafter my wife started to make cryptic comments about “Well maybe you should just talk to the ‘Dating Room’ about it.” and things started to get very, very cold.
Apparently she had seen a link in Meebo on my computer advertising the “Dating Room” and thought I was using it…
It took a little while before I realized what had happened (since she wasn’t speaking to me any more). Problem finally resolved.
HOLD ON WAIT A MINUTE. I WASN’T YELLING. THIS IS MY NORMAL TYPING VOICE.
Hey Jeremiah -
If this isn’t a case study for everything you preach re: using social media to increase transparency and improve corporate/social standing in the “marketplace” … then I’m just not reading the comments very clearly.
Great post and great advice. Especially for a dumbass.
Matt
Mark, yeah, I feel for you.
Matt, yes, a case study indeed, a self-referential one at that.
Shirley, (The wife) I’m just glad I haven’t introduced you to my podcasting gear yet.
Imagine how it is for a married female social networker on Facebook.
Husband: “people do what to you on Facebook? POKE?????”
SHIRLEY! YOU ARE ONE FUNNY LADY! Always cracks me up when i “hear” all caps yelling in blogs. Reminds me of people silent yelling at you from inside their car. You can see their mouths flapping but their windows are shut and the anger never quite makes it out.
ah - real world & online worlds are bound to collide! I’m awaiting it too. Thanks for sharing.
My daughter is a freshman in college & we enjoy using FB to communicate. It’s great for helping her with her writing projects. My husband likes to read her comments over my shoulder so I suggested he get a FB account & join us - but nope - he won’t. It’s maybe best though…eh?
PHILLIP
I may need to give you driving lessons if that happens to you frequently.
Lisa, don’t get me started on the poking.
Connie, yes, be careful what you wish for.
been there, done that. multiple times.
actually, the ones my wife *DOESN’T* tell me about are the ones that worry me.
you know, the items that come up in conversation at 3am in bed, a month *AFTER* you did something totally stupid and/or misinterpreted.
i’ve been a dumbass all my life… social media just multiplies my dumbass-edness.
forgive me honey, i am a social media whore and i have sinned. mea culpa, mea culpa.
- dmc
Excellent cautionary tale, it is stories like this that remind us we make mistakes, but can move forward.
At least Shirley just sent you an all caps email, instead of introducing your head to a frying pan at a high rate of speed.
Glad to hear it all worked out.
Hey man, I’ve seen you tango…
Seriously, as web geeks we’re all above suspicion. I once joked to my wife, Dawn, that I was going to go have an affair someday. She just snorted.
Ian
I love it. The funny thing is as I was reading this, thought wait, good looking girl, dedicated a song to Jermiah, all friends on Facebook…could it be me… then I read on and just laughed.
Sorry but I am glad your wife has you in line
thanks for sharing…
p.s. how did you like the sounds?
–mare
Mary
“Sorry but I am glad your wife has you in line”
Sorry that’s not true, I’m in charge, and I have my wife’s permission to say so.
Remember how we had a conversation in facebook email over why www.geni.com doesn’t have family tree merging yet? I bet it’s not a technical limitation, but rather an issue of privacy. Can you imagine a family tree merge where your spouse discovers your 2nd family in Asia or a string of illegitimate kids? That would be the ultimate Social Media faux pas!
Gene
That’s very interesting…I’m sure it will happen to someone.
thats why i have a problem with facebook! too many applications invitation until it gets so confusing and cluttering at my page. for a fact, i did not reject all the app. invitations because i hadnt have time to go through them, neither do i know what they are about. All i know is… if i add them, i cld end up in the headlines just like you did
Jeremiah -
Recognizing your error is only one part of the apology. No matter how understanding your wife is at this comedic event, this can be solved with a simple visit to the jewerler of her choice!
(and, no, you’re not the first to have this happen - just maybe the first to admit it in this forum.)
Thanks Jennifer, I’m sure other stories will surface!
Oh yea that’s really embarrassing…like OMG you’re entire life must be ruined because of that…you’re like never going to get a job after college…oh, wait, that’s not you–that’s me. Seriously dude I mean I can appreciate a benign faux-modest anecdote as much as the next guy, but keep your snafus in perspective. There are people, like myself, who’s lives have actually been ruined by facebook, people, like myself, who don’t even have facebook, but are now totally scrued in spades because of some spurious bull sh*t that gets tossed around that site as if crack-smoking gossip-mongerers were doing the tossing. So, seriously, when I’m here trying to pull the gun out of my mouth long enough to write this silly thread please please please keep your pint-sized embarrassment in perspective. I mean human decency kind of demands it.
So do tell Babbet, what happened?
I’m sorry if I was sarcastic earlier-xoxo-but seriously I hate facebook. It’s pretty much sabatoged the bulk of my life, so much so I can’t even go outside without experienceing the fear that someone will recognize me. Its ruined my life, given me reason to kill myself. I hate facebook–its a dumb, vile, blind hate-factory of misery, a purveyor of pain, a nameless power without purpose. Dude, you’ve got to understand everyone goes about babbeling that the GOVERNMENT is the one eating away at the public’s privacy, but, in reality, it’s the public, itself, that is the most merciless of intruders–the worst for its mob mentality and hunger for the helplessly weird and socially incompetant. Didn’t mean to get so poly-sci-emo, but seriously if you want expound on the intricacies of web strategy, you should at least consider the human component of your trade. I mean, if the web is truly as powerful as I belive it is (and as, I can only suppose, you must believe it is, given your profession), than those who manage it and attempt to shape its scope and depth, who attempt to lend it purposeful definition, should have a responsibility to those who are abused by the World Wide Web. Just as a company has a responsibility to its share holders, those Internet titans who influence the web should have a responsibility to all those inflenced by the web. To my mind, we’re all shareholders and we all deserve a bit of privacy, especially if we aren’t the ones furnishing personal information. I’m just saying: web strategy sounds a whole lot like orcastrated slander depending on your own vantage point. I mean, I really am not good enough with words to express the nightmare my life has become. It’s truely terrifying, thinking you’re going to be isolated and lonely and friendless for the forseeable future. I mean you hope that some bull sh*t in highschool isn’t going to jepordize your future professional life, but even that’s not for certain. Please, I need some advice.
Babbet
Sounds like you’ve got some issues to fix, remember what happens online often echoes real life, so your big problems may not be because of the web, but elsewhere.
Please note that what happens online is public now, but not all of Facebook is public. If you started a blog with a professional image, it will likely score higher in Google than anything else.
I don’t know your specific issues are but good luck.
BTW what happens in high school is long forgotten, trust me.
and XOXO back to you, hope it gets sorted out.
Lastly, none of this is a bad as the journalist who was recently jailed for 10 years in China. That puts my petty issues into scope, and hopefully yours too.